On the grand occasion of SUELLEN’s 1001th run, we gathered at a park in McKellar expecting, and not being disappointed, to be put through the wringer (Metaphorically speaking).

And so it was. If you allow a thin, young, fit, elite athlete to set a run, then you have to expect a few worn hip joints, bookings to chiropodists and chiropractors and a smattering of new shoes during the following week.   

FLUID MOVEMENT lived up to expectations. A reasonably long run was set, with an overabundance of falsies. Checks and two ways to keep us out in the scrub just that little bit longer.

The runners either lied about doing the whole trail or lied about short cutting. EGO was the absolute worst offender, and then he gave the world’s worst meandering run report to cover up his failings.

The walk was a well set half marathon which also included a brilliant falsie at the top of a hill which sucked in the whole pack.

Many hashers would have clocked up their daily 10,000 steps target halfway through the trail, it was THAT long.

And then, without warning, the drink stop appeared. FRIZZY LIZZY stopped her grouching, CRASH and BURNs chip addition was sated, and DDHD remained missing in action.   

Back to the start and there was a noticeable lack of Gin Sluts this week. They just don’t travel well do they?

We settled into a social pack around the 1950’s era, heritage BBQ, sorted ourselves into a circle and absorbed a bit of verbal abuse from the GM and RA as they settled things down.

The RA was revelling in a fart cloud of his own smugness due to the fact that there wasn’t a rain cloud within 200kms of McKeller   

As previously alluded to, EGOs meandering run report left some hashers in open mouthed amazement at the range of subjects that he was able to cover in Eight short minutes.

SOFT CENTRE reported how the walkers rightfully put their trust in a qualified Naval Navigator to lead them around the vast trail and how no wheels were seen to fall off, at all, ever. Such a good decision. No regrets AND, in circumstances not seen since Kathy Freeman was left standing in a puddle of water surrounded by flammable gas at the 2000 Olympics opening ceremony; WEATHERMAN failed to take his cue and missed the opportunity to commit atrocities upon the English language this week.

GERBILS and INFALLABLE were charged for “trail whispering”
Returnees: LGS, SOFTCENTRE, BIG BOY and HORNY PENNY
POPTART tried to complain bitterly about the rusty chain attaching the bottle opener to the bucket and was rightly shouted down by the whole pack for talking blasphemy.
BETTY BOOP completely confused the pack by alleging that CRASH and BURN had allowed EGO to break her long standing run report record.
HIDDEN FLAGON and POOSHOOTER engaged in their usual bromantic sniping contest, alleging atrocities upon each other.
WEATERMAN attempted what will probably be remembered as his worst song ever. We are all waiting like coiled springs for that song to be perfected
SEXCHANGE sang HORNYPENNY the latin song when we found out that she was departing for Japan      
PEEPING PERVERT and PUSSY GALORE are both having birthdays this week.
CRASH and BURN has been seen to leave 98 times
GERBILS has been seen to 597 times, and
CRAFT has achieved the not unsubstantial feat of being seen to leave 2 times

Again, a ruddy good effort for last week; SUELLEN.
your inscribed 1000 mug will be presented soon

All in all another great hash night (is there any other) score nought out of minus 1000

As usual, I make no apologies for blatantly misrepresenting the truth. It's how I won my Pulitzers.